The Power to Inebriate the World
by KillTenchi
Summary: There's a party at Utena's...however things go a little funny when the punch is spiked....Also new chapter up involving the next day, though it's not as good....
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own them I just like putting them in funny situations!  
  
Author's note: Okay this one's a quickie so bare with me...BARE with me? is that right....or is it BEAR with me? hmm....the mystery that is the English language....  
  
  
  
  
The invitations had read thus:   
  
"Party at Utena's....be there, or be square"  
  
Everyone had gotten an invitation. That was how they all found themselves standing outside of Utena and Anthy's dorm on a Saturday night. Everyone was accounted for: Touga, Saionji, Akio, Miki, Juri, Wakaba, Nanami, Mitsuru, Shiori, Kozue, and a little aligator that seemed to be feeling very out of place...that was how the evening started, a group of people, some friends some enemies, some lovers and some that weren't related...it was a beautiful night and the moon was full and from inside the lonely dorm that contained only two beautiful girls the faint strains of music could be heard wafting on the warm breeze. With a smug look at the rest of the group, Akio was the first to walk up to the door and knock...  
  
"This is actually a decent party!" Juri yelled above the stereo that was blasting Prodigy as she threw colored streamers up in the air, giggled, and continued to do the electric slide across the living room of the dorm.   
"Yeah, I was worried it was going to suck...but you guys pulled it off!" Miki exclaimed as he took a quick break from making out with Nanami in the corner.  
At a table off to the side Anthy and Utena smiled at each other as they received the praise...or was it because Akio had just lost another round at strip poker and was about to lose the only article of clothing he had left? The world may never know, but what we do know is that Akio threw his two sixes onto the card table and tried not to stumble as he took off his socks.  
"Man! I cannot play cards tonight!" Akio cried. He burped loudly and looked to Touga to ask if he would lend a friend some clothes so he could keep playing but Touga (who was blowing bubbles in a glass of punch while lying in his boxers on the sofa a short ways away) was unmoved by his pleas.  
"I already gave you most of what I was wearing!" Touga said right before he started laughing hysterically as Wakaba, who had been doing Sylvester Stalone impressions to a passed out Shiori, started to sing along to Britney Spears' latest hit that was now playing on the stereo.  
"I'm a SLAVE....for you...." Wakaba said stumbling over and leaning against Saionji, obviously singing to him. Saionji blushed and pushed Wakaba away who would have fallen into a giggling heap onto the floor except that Kozue caught her.   
In slurred words Kozue tried to talk some sense into Wakaba, who was still singing only now she'd changed the words around so that she was singing "I Would be a Slave for You You Ungrateful Bastard"  
"Look Wakababa..."Kozue started....but realized that Wakaba's name had come out wrong. With a look of concentration she tried again,"Wa-ka-babababa.....Wakababababababababa" With a look of boredom she gave up and just let Wakaba sink to the floor where she stayed with her face pressed against the carpet as she continued to sing.   
Crawling on hands and knees Kozue was going to try and find a bathroom, but instead found Chu-Chu and his friend the weird random Aligator trying to bully a barely coherent Mitsuru into eating a live goldfish. Poor Mitsuru was desperately trying to crawl away but Chu-Chu was sitting on his chest and holding the poor boys nose while the Aligator guy held the gold fish by the tail over Mitsuru's mouth waiting for him to open it in order to get a breath. The plan would have worked too, if Kozue hadn't chosen that moment to pick Chu-Chu up by the tail and squeal to the rest of the party goers while swinging the little critter around in circles:  
"You have a MONKEY! That is SO COOL!"   
Everyone who was able looked at the silly girl who was now squeazing Chu-Chu around the middle so tightly that his eyes were bugging out of his head. Her fame was only seconds long however because a groan came from Shiori who, as was previously stated, was passed out.  
"I think I'm gonna hurl!" She moaned.  
"Quick! Get her to the bathroom!" Utena yelled to her guests as she and Anthy finished a game of strip Twister. Quickly disengaging (no pun intended...) herself from Anthy, Utena ran to the groaning girl's side and tried to haul her out of the chair. Touga came to Utena's aid and helped to get Shiori standing. However, as often happens when one is going to vomit, being in a vertical position only made Shiori's position more perilous. To put it bluntly, once she was standing up she barfed on Juri.   
"Oh Gross!" Nanami yelled while pointing at Juri's shirt that was now covered in chunks of whatever Shiori must have had for lunch (it was later discovered to have been two corn dogs, some french fries, and a Diet Coke). Miki was looking mesmerized and sort of pale as he stared at Juri's chest (not her BREASTS you perverts....just her chest) and it was obvious that looking at Shiori's throw up was only making him want to hurl himself (not HURL HIMSELF....well....what i mean is he was starting to feel sort of queasy too). Then Miki looked at Nanami who was snuggled up next to him and he realized that she wasn't wearing lipstick anymore, but she had been when she got to the party which meant HE must be wearing it now. Sure enough when he looked in the mirror hanging near the coat closet he saw that his lips were lined in a slutty shade of red. That did it for Miki. He barfed too.  
"For Dios' Sake, why is everyone vomitting at our party?" Anthy exclaimed.  
Akio was going to say something incredibly witty as an answer to that question, but was interrupted when Saionji suddenly picked up a microphone and started singing karaoke.  
"Cause I'm your lady  
And you are my man...  
Whenever you reach for me  
I'll do all that I CAAAAAAAAAAN!"  
Saionji was getting his Celine Dione groove thing on while Utena and Touga dragged Shiori, who was once again passed out, outside to the pool (Utena has a pool???!) and dumped her into the deep end.  
Juri stood at the edge of the water watching the brown haired girl sink to the bottom, "Stupid Bitch" she muttered before stripping down to her bra, throwing her dirty shirt into the water and going back to the party.  
When Juri entered the doorway she took a quick look around to assess the situation. Akio and Touga were now strip arm wrestling...Wakaba was sprawled at Saionji's feet where Kozue had left her while Saionji was just coming to the second verse of his song...Miki was busy trying to hide his throwup under a large potted plant in the corner, while Nanami was trying to get Mitsuru to put on one of Anthy's dresses. But where were Anthy and Utena? Suddenly the two hostesses were nowhere to be seen....  
With her vision going in and out of focus, Juri staggered toward the kitchen where she thought she heard maniacal laughter...  
"Dude! I told you this party would rock!"  
"You were SO right! We have got to do this again sometime!"  
Juri heard the voices more clearly as she got to the door and swung it open to reveal Utena and Anthy standing at the counter filling the punch bowl with Absolut Vodka.  
"Aha! So THAT'S what's going on here!" Juri yelled in a loud angry voice. Loud enough to grab the attention of everyone at the party. Touga and Akio came into the kitchen to see what was going on (I will not mention the fact that they were holding hands), as did Miki who had Chu-Chu and the Alligator sitting on his head but didn't look as if he knew it, and even Nanami came into the kitchen dragging Mitsuru behind him who was...well...he was wearing a pair of Anthy's underpants on his head. Saionji and Wakaba didn't come because Saionji was just getting into his next set of Celine hits while Wakaba was in the bathroom attempting to hang herself with some soap on a rope she'd found. Sadly, Kozue had wandered out unseen by all to fall in a drunken daze into the pool so she was unaccounted for.  
Everyone looked at Anthy and Utena who, with guilty looks on their faces, still held the bottles of vodka over the punch bowl. Juri was pointing angrily at them and everyone else was just staring.  
"I can't BELIEVE THIS!" Juri shrieked.  
"Um....we can explain...." Utena began but was cut off.  
"You had CHEX MIX all this time and you didn't bring it out to the party! That shit's the bomb!" Juri yelled as she grabbed the bag off the counter and headed out the door with everyone following suit.  
Utena and Anthy looked at each other in numb, half drunk silence. Then with an evil smirk Anthy reach into a cabinet and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniel's.  
"This is going to be one hell of a party..." she said as she began pouring it into the bowl..... 


	2. When Snack Foods Attack!

Disclaimer: Okay this second chapter, to me, is not as funny as the first chapter that i wrote....but I needed to write something totally odd ball to shake myself out of my seriousness that I was getting into during a Creative Writing assignment....however, i think there are SOME parts to this that are down right chuckleable (?!) so....eat up....  
  
  
  
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"This CAN'T be happening!" Utena cries in exasperation as she stamps her feet and points at Juri.  
  
Most of the rest of the gang are surrounding the two girls as their argument resounds over the front lawn of Utena and Anthy's dorm. It is a sunny morning, and the majority of the group are very bedraggled and groggy as it had been one HELL of a 'party at Utena's' last night.   
  
"Well, it IS happening, PRINCE Utena! YOU bet the Bride last night that you could chug more Bud Light than me and I drank your skinny ass under the table!" Juri looks smug for a moment before continuing, "So, that settles it. Anthy's mine."   
  
"But I was drunk! I didn't know what I was doing! And besides, you only got the best of me because right as I was on my last bottle when SAIONJI started singing "Everybody Hurts" and it made me laugh so hard I got beer up my nose!" Utena screamed. She just couldn't stand watching Anthy standing behind Juri in her demure manner that made her so infuriating at times. "Besides, Juri, you can't win the Bride in a bet! You have to duel for her!"   
  
Now it is Utena's turn to look smug as Juri begins to stutter and look as though she were trying to come up with a way to refute Utena's declaration. Finally, and eerily in unison, both girls turn to the Student Council President to get his opinion.  
  
"I don't think the mark will be permanent....I don't bite THAT hard, Akio....." Touga and Akio look up from their OWN heated discussion to notice everyone now staring at them. "Um.....yes?" Touga asks in an annoyed voice as Akio gives everyone an evil grin.   
  
"GOD....you guys are SO gross....can't you just be normal for five minutes?" Utena yells at them. When both men just look at her and shrug she throws up her hands and continues," Touga, isn't it true that Juri has to DUEL me to win Anthy and that the Rose Bride can't be won in a stupid bet about drinking BEER?"   
  
Touga turns quickly to Akio as though to conference with him, instead he says,"Yeah, dude, did you see that last night? Utena can't hold her liquor!"  
  
"No....I missed it....I must have been....elsewhere...." Akio says cryptically. No one seems to notice Miki start blushing crimson and clicking his stopwatch rapidly.  
  
"Oh...well...it was funny....." Touga is about to continue but with a stern look from Utena he gets back on track," Well, anyway, I think that winning the Bride in a bet is totally legitamit....in fact, I wish I'd thought of it myself, it would have saved me a lot of trouble."   
  
"WHAT?!" Utena screams, her face turning as red as Miki's STILL is since Akio is now licking his lips and winking at the young blue-haired boy.  
  
"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I KNEW it! The Bride is MINE!" Elatedly Juri starts doing the cabbage patch around Utena while Anthy just stands passivley to one side. (A/N: this author must say that she frequently makes references to Juri dancing because she can't think of anything funnier in the WORLD)  
  
Utena, in desperation, turns to Anthy,"Anthy? Is this what you want? Don't you want to stay with me? TELL Juri that you don't want to BE her lesbian love slave!" Utena's eyes grow big and emotional as we get a close up of her face giving the proverbial "puppy dog look" complete with pouty lips and welled up tears.  
  
As Anthy is prone to do, she responds with," I am the Rose Bride. I belong to whoever wins the duel....or bet."  
  
"YOU BITCH!" Utena hauls off and wallops Anthy, almost taking the purple-haired girl's head off.  
  
As Anthy does the usual holding-the-cheek-looking-innocently-stunned thing, Miki, Nanami, Saionji, and Chu-Chu can be seen in the backgroung holding up scorecards that say 4, 6, 10, and 9 respectively. Somewhere a crowd is heard cheering. Utena takes a bow for her mad slapping skills.  
  
"Don't you ever touch my Bride again!" Juri yells right into Utena's face.  
  
Utena waves a hand in front of her nose, "Oh LORD! Juri, lay off the Chex mix next time, okay? I could do without smelling your stale pretzel breath..."  
  
Suddenly, Miki exclaims,"Hey....where's Akio and Touga?"...............................  
  
"Akio and Touga....a Story within a Story"  
  
Akio: Man Touga, I'm so glad we got away from them...silly girl fights bore me....  
  
Touga: Yeah, me too. :::yawns as he and Akio walk down a random path that doesn't lead anywhere in particular I just had to have them doing something while this little sidenote was going on::::::  
  
Akio: um....it's a nice day today, isn't it?  
  
Touga: Pretty nice....want some Cheese Nips?  
  
Akio: ::::taking a Cheese Nips and eating it seductively::: Touga?  
  
Touga: Yeah?   
  
Akio: :::stops walking and turns to look at Touga as the lights dim and a spotlight goes on him::: There was something I needed to ask you...  
  
:::::From seemingly out of nowhere a bandstand pops up behind Akio and the curtain goes up to reveal O-town just beginning to sing "All or Nothing" as a disco ball lowers from.....somewhere.....and Akio looks at Touga with soulful eyes::::  
  
Touga: O-town? Man....I can't get AWAY from those guys.....so what did you want to ask me, Akio?  
  
Akio: Well...:::grabs Touga's hand:::: it's sort of....embarrassing....  
  
Touga: Oh....well, you know how I feel about you....I would never demean or belittle you in any way....so ask me....  
  
Akio: Okay......:::looks nervous::: here goes.................................................do you think Shiori is going to make an appearance in this fic? Cause I think she's kind of hot.....  
  
::::O-town and all of the ambience disappear with a little *pop* leaving just Akio and Touga randomly walking again, though still holding hands::::  
  
Touga: I don't know...technically I DID throw Shiori in the pool last night, so by all counts she SHOULD be dead....unless she turned herself into a submarine or something.....  
  
****End of "Akio and Touga....a story within a story"****  
  
Back on the lawn of the dormroom that housed the wildest party that the Academy has ever known Juri and Utena have sunk to mudslinging....literally.  
  
"This is my ONLY boy's uniform! And you got it all dirty!" Utena squeals as she gets a great gob of mud gathered between her fists and hurls it toward Juri's bright orange mop of curls.  
  
Juri ducks effortlessly and the giant ball of oozing dirt clumps sails past her and lands right at Nanami's feet, splashing her from head to toe with black goo.  
  
For a moment Nanami stands very still, to stunned to speak, or move, or think....however, shock never lasts long when it happens to a person as vocal as young Nanami.  
  
"MIIIIIIIITTTTTTSSSSSSUUUUUURRRRUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!" she bellows.  
  
Mitsuru comes crawling out of the dorm on hands and knees, his face a haggard shade of white and a bit of drool stringing off his lip and hitting the grass.  
  
In a weak voice,"yes.....miss....nanami?" He looks up at her from his position in the dirt expectantly.  
  
"Kill them!" she orders, pointing at Juri and Utena,"And her!" Nanami adds also shooting a finger in Anthy's direction. "I don't care how...just DO it. I am SICK of them. AND I AM SICK OF THAT LAME ASS ROSE BRIDE!"   
  
Mitsuru groans and lays face down in the mud, "I can't! I had too many tequila shots last night! I'm feel like my intestines have turned into tapioca pudding!"   
  
Nanami just stares at Mitsuru as he lays in agony,"Well....eat some grass or something.....I had a dog once and whenever he got sick that's what he did and it seemed to make him feel better....I NEED you to kill them! Now EAT grass!"  
  
For one moment Mitsuru actually contemplates doing what Nanami comands, but as the fistful of green shoots of lawn that he obediently snatched up came within inches of his mouth....  
  
"Hey....can we get back to the fact that Juri is trying to steal my Rose Bride?" Utena inquires just as a water beetle slips down a long blade of grass and onto Mitsuru's tongue.   
  
Utena's voice seems to shake Mitsuru out of his trance like state of defference. "What the HELL am I doing?!" Mitsuru yelps, sitting up and spitting , "Oh God, I was going to eat GRASS because she told me to.....I am really mentally disturbed...I need help!" Mitsuru pulls his knees up to his chest and hangs his head as he starts to sniffle and cry. Suddenly he feels an arm around his shoulder and someone is whispering to him that everything will be okay.  
  
"These moments of insanity pass...trust me, I know...you just have to go with it....." The voice whispers to the young boy. He looks up to see Saionji grimacing at him (since Saionji never really smiles).  
  
"Ahh! The HORROR!!!" Mitsuru yells as he scoots on his butt as far away from Saionji as he can get.  
  
Saionji just looks confused, "Was it something I said?"  
  
Meanwhile, back to the main conflict of the story. Utena has now talked Juri into at least having a rematch to decide who will possess the Rose Bride. Whichever girl can eat the most Twinkies in ten minutes gets the prize. Miki is at attention with his stopwatch ready next to a table that is barely visible beneath a mountain of delectably spongy snackfoods. Utena and Juri sit on either side of the hill with arms outstretched waiting for his signal to grab their first Twinkie. The author is tired of Nanami and her whining, so she has been exiled to a demension of rabbid inchworms where she will dwell in creepy crawly hell forever.   
  
"Go!" Miki yells as he clicks his watch.  
  
Both girls are seasoned veterans at Twinkie eating contests, obviously, because they handle their cream filled goodies with care as they stuff their faces.   
  
Juri takes the lead as she hits her third one in a minute and a half  
  
but  
  
Utena is quick to catch up as she tries the double fisted maneuver and shoves two in her mouth at once, a move that has gotten many other inexperienced Twinkie eaters killed I might add.  
  
They're neck and neck.  
  
Touga and Akio return from their jaunt through the farthest recesses of my mind with flowered garlands in their hair and smelling of peppermint. They quickly take front row seats next to Saionji who has managed to lull Mitsuru into a fitful sleep with his accustic version of "I Will Always Love You".   
  
The action is getting heated between the two contestants when suddenly they both freeze in mid-chew, white creme and sponge cake tumbling out of their open mouths as they begin to choke.  
  
"What's going on?" Miki cries like a scared little girl. Akio is attracted to him.  
  
Both Juri and Utena's faces turn different shades of green and blue as they go into convulsions, fall out of their chairs, and die.  
  
"Ha! I told you I wanted them dead!" Nanami yells as she jumps out from behind a bush, cackling madly. (the author would like to apologize, we don't know how she escaped from creepy crawly hell...some things just refuse to GO AWAY)  
  
"What did you do?!" Touga and Akio ask in unison.  
  
"These Twinkies were OUT OF DATE! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!" Nanami screeches as she begins to do the macarena all over the corpses of her enemies.  
  
"They were....what?" Saionji asks with a horrified look on his face. Half a Twinkie lies innocently in his hand and the rest is obviously in his mouth. Needless to say, he dies too. No attempts were made at resussitation.  
  
"Nanami....what have you done?" Touga asks in that stern voice he gets with her sometimes.  
  
"Big Brother! I did it for you! Now YOU can have the Rose Bride!" She gives him one of her annoying queasy looking smiles.  
  
Touga smiles.  
  
"NOOOOOOOO!!" Anthy screams as she runs quickly for the remaining Twinkies, grabs one and stuffs it down her own throat wrapper and all.   
  
Touga, Akio, and Nanami just stare at each other over the bodies. Mitsuru lies sprawled out next to Saionji singing a farewell rendition of "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot"  
  
"Eight Minutes, Fifty Four Seconds!" Miki exclaims with a click of his stop watch. "Who wants to play Go Fish?" 


End file.
